April 04, 2006

News At 11

It is once again That Season in the Midwest, and this is a particularly bad year for the Pestilential Pernicious Potholes of Doom - or should that be Perpetuity?

Our current theory is that over the years/eons chunks of pavement have aggregated into clots so dense that they have actually sunk beneath the earth's crust. These Tarmetoids have grown over time into masses so concentrated and dense that they have actually developed their own individual gravitational fields, pulling more pavement from the streets above as the ground thaws sufficiently to release chunks of pavement from their protective layer of ice. In the Midwest the ground freezes and then thaws so often that these gravitational fields not only causes pavement to abandon the earth's surface in mass migrations, but also has been known to pull cars into their influence from as much as half a mile's distance. This effect is so powerful that commuters frequently arrive hours late to work, due to delays caused by having to be AirLifted from one of the PPPoD's that have developed overnight.

It is this phenomenon which has led to the famous Midwestern saying, "Potholes Suck."

Don't say we didn't warn you.


Blogger Chris said...

And leads to slalom like driving...

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

speaking of soil movement and holes in the ground you could kill yourself in if you stepped in them, our yard-digging friends from the bush have found a new wallow - and it's in red clay. Big Uncle Peter is back, and he's joining in the fun with his nieces and nephews (mostly his nieces, heh heh).
The red clay falls off his body for the most part but clings to certain difficult-not-to-notice bits of his, for some reason, and he trots around with a thick coating of cracking red clay all over them...

8:15 PM  

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